Weight :(

I don't know what it is or why but i HATE looking in the mirror. I just don't know how to get out of this funk. I look at my children and i honestly think my boys are so handsome and so cute and my daughter is beautiful :) My husband is extremely attractive (to me, i dont care if you dont think so!). Then I see myself...and I just don't know what to think. It's SO freakin hard to ignore someone that is so close to you and they SHOULD have your best interests at heart WHEN EVER they say ANYTHING to you or about it. So it's hard to get poked in my belly and have someone blow their cheeks up at me like i'm huge. It's hard to hear someone tell you that there are roads around here (my house) that are safe to go running on. BUT HERE'S THE THING...I DON'T THINK I'M FAT!!! Anytime I have a weight issue, I talk to my hubby about it. He knows where I am coming from. He was an athlete growing up just like me so he knows SORT OF what it's like and where I'm coming from. I HAVE HAD THREE KIDS. After the first two, it barely looked like I had ever been pregnant. BUT WITH THE THIRD, MY ONLY GIRL...my hormones got all messed up. For some reason my hormones are completely different than they were "pre-Maggie". I get hot really easily, I'm uncomfortable in some clothing, my cycle is totally different (tmi but if you didnt want to know, you shouldnt be reading this). Everything about my body has changed. The only thing that changed for the better is obviously i have my daughter and (for my husbands sake, lol) my boobs are bigger. LOL. What guy doesn't like boobs?! But it's CRAZY. I shouldnt feel this way about myself. I eat pretty healthy. I mean, yeah i love a burger from McDonalds but i also love a good salad (drenched in ranch). The ONLY thing that i put in my body on a daily basis that's "bad" is coke. I am a coke addict. SERIOUSLY. If I dont have one by like 8 am, i get a headache and the longer i go without one, the worse i feel. Yes i understand that i could cut out the coke...BUT I DONT WANT TO. LOL. I have come to the realization that it's not really what i am eating..it's that i dont get out and stay active. Yes, i have 3 kids...they keep me pretty busy. But yes, there are days (many days) that i want to plant my butt on the couch and NOT MOVE unless my kiddos NEED something. ALL OF THAT IS TOTALLY BESIDES THE POINT....I AM NOT FAT. I looked up some info about my body type. I will go ahead and put this out there....BECAUSE I DONT CARE IF YOU KNOW. Here are some stats on me:
Age:25
Weight: 140 (today...and it's not the best time of month to weigh myself...if you know what i mean...LOL)
Height: 5'4"
My BMI is within NORMAL range and it said that my weight is at the 48th percentile. THAT MEANS IM SMALLER THAN AVERAGE (not by much but hey- i'll take what i can get) LOL

I am just so frustrated with myself and other people. Yes, i AM bigger now that I was 7 years ago. I've had 3 kids, i've moved 6 times...i've had a lot going on. With my daughter, the Tuesday before I had her (so 2 days before she was born) i got up to 160. My body did NOT react to all the extra estrogen flowing through my body. Ugh, like i said...being pregnant with her totally messed me up.. BUT I AM SO GLAD TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE. I understand that having 3 healthy children is a blessing.  

Ugh, i am just ranting ON and ON and ON and ON....i'm just upset and rather than whine like a baby to my husband...i thought i'd whine to all of you..LOL. My hubby knows what song to let me listen to and it's really true about me. Skillet: Imperfections. I am constantly looking at my flaws, drowning in my imperfections. I will get better and do better. I just hate feeling the way i feel. 

On a positive note, Carson (will be 4 tomorrow) had a great birthday party today. i cried this morning looking at pictures from when he was 1. hee hee. i'm a mush ball :)